If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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