just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
