He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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