sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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