I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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