I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
