im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
