I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
