Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
