i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
