we have pet lesbian snakes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
