She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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