I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
