my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Two words: blizzard sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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