i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
