I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
