Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
