My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
