were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
