I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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