I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
