And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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