i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
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