i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
