How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
