Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
