Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
