I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
