I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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