i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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