I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So many bounce houses so little time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sext me about skeletons
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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