Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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