It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
