I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
