dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
