This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
should my penis look like a turkey
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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