dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
