Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
