Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
