I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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