i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
