The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
