I haven't been this sober since birth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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