I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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