I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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