She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
