Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
