I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
