I would go down on you faster than GM stock
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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