Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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