There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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