she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
