When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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