I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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