Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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