Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
