Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
