Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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