Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
