Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
