too bad you live with your parents still
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
