awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
