4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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